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        5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455At a cinema…nowhere near you…

Sometime ago when boredom made a visit, I decided to find out how movies were made so I signed myself up as an extra on the movie  Stroke of Genius. For all you golfers out there, this is the story of Bobby Jones,  a famous golfer, who won the grand slam as an amateur. The film was shot for the most part in St Andrews and I had to travel down everyday for a week by car. There is a shortcut road south that climbs quite high and this particular morning at about 4 am, I noticed a blue flashing light up ahead which told me that Mr Plod was about looking for drivers who had partaken in the grape or the hop or maybe anyone who was smuggling haggis or whatever. I duly stopped and wound down my window…“Morning, Sir and where might we be going at this time in the morning?” (sniff, sniff.) At this point the little devil that lives on my shoulder decided this was an opportunity for a bit of banter. “Well, officer, I don’t know about you but I’m on my way to my movie set.” was the words that I heard coming out of my mouth. The policeman stood closer. “Could you repeat that, Sir?” (sniff, sniff.) “I’m on my way to film with Jim Caviezel and Malcolm McDowell in St Andrews. It’s a golfing movie.” more words that I seemed to have no control over. ” Oh, and I suppose John Wayne will be caddying for you, eh, Sir?” The wee fellow on my shoulder was jumping up and down with excitement.  Now, you should know officer, John Wayne didn’t do much golf, besides… he’s dead!”   At this point I decided to put the poor fellow out of his misery as he was at a loss as to how to deal with me and I was going to be late for my movie gig. I explained as best I could and added that I had not been drinking or sniffing anything bad. He invited me to carry on with my journey and I left him scratching his head. Filming went well and that day I got to stand on hallowed ground (The 18th green on the Old Course)  and this film extra went home very tired that night. Bit disappointed that the phone call never came through from Hollywood. Jim and Malcolm have also failed to stay in touch… Oh well… meantime, you all… Stay Cheeky.

Apologies again for being absent. I am on my third pc/tablet within 1year. This replacement didn’t arrive in time for my 4week trip and I had to struggle with an old pc, poor wi-fi and I had security issues so I shut down for most of the 4 weeks.

 

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      5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455It’s that blogging time again…

Here is one of my short stories available from Amazon. You can buy  Short Stories by Gordon Milne and help keep me in the style I demand to be kept in. ( i.e. Not having to  water down the soup!)

                                                  The Kill

He sat in the shadows. It was his favourite time of day, still light enough to negotiate any obstacles but dark enough to keep him unseen.

The path he had walked had been shared with two cyclists, a jogger and a woman walking her dogs. He had kept his head down not wishing to make eye contact, concentrating on the task ahead. The path soon gave way to rougher ground with tree roots underfoot. He looked around and saw that he was alone. He allowed himself a smile as he set about his meticulous preparation.

His thoughts strayed to the last time. He had waited for two hours before his patience paid off.  Wearing dark clothes, he was barely visible in the fading light, a scarf pulled up around his face, gloves to keep his hands warm for the job ahead. He trembled as the adrenalin kicked in. Far better than any drug, he surmised. It was the stalking, not the kill. The kill was the final act, it was unavoidable. Now he was ready again to satisfy his craving, that rush that made him light-headed.

The night was warmer than the last time but still had the same smell carried by the gentle breeze. It was the only time he recognised that smell. It could be the leaves or the grass. Whatever it was, he never seemed to smell it at any other time. He had time to think as he waited. He licked his dry lips and crouched further in the shadows. He pushed the button that lit up the dial on his watch. It was past ten o’clock, his favourite time. Another glance around confirmed he was still alone.

He did not think that it would be much longer now. He smiled as he crouched further into the shadows. He rubbed his gloved hands together to generate some warmth. One time he carelessly let his hands get cold and couldn’t do the job properly. He never made that mistake again, not when he might only get the one chance.

It was nearly midnight when he went through the front door of his house. He was momentarily startled by the voice. She had not gone to bed yet…”How many did you get tonight?”…” Just the one,” he sighed, as he put away his fishing rod in the cupboard…

Copyright:   Stay Cheeky Publishing… wwwstaycheeky.com

See you all soon. Meantime, you all…Stay Cheeky.

All my blogs are free to read, enjoy and re-blog. The content remains the property of http://www.staycheeky.com

 

 

 

 

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5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455             Memories & Regrets…

The year is 1968 and my memories are of hitch- hiking through Switzerland and getting a lift from monks who took me to their monastery for food and shelter high up in the hills with views that were incredible. I could see France, Germany and Italy from that altitude.  My regret is that I don’t know where that monastery is. Hitching down to Italy, my memory is of getting a lift from a farmer and being taken back to his modest house and given my first meal of homemade spaghetti. Until then I thought it only came in a tin. My regret is that I could not find that house today. I have memories of being ordered off the motorway in Italy by a policeman and when I ignored him he drew his pistol and fired a shot over my head. My regret, at the time was that I dived over the roadside barrier and twisted my shoulder when I fell badly. My memory is of driving a world war two truck loaded with fellow travellers and arriving in Venice. My first thought was…” Holy shit, they’ve had a lot of rain here!” A travelling companion and I played our guitars and sang on one of the bridges for money to buy food. I remember some Americans giving us money and saying we were wunnerful.  My regret is that I have no contact with any of those friends. My memory is of hitch-hiking through rural France and finding myself getting food and shelter from a couple with a newborn baby. They made me the godfather of their child and my deepest regret is that I could not find that house even if I tried. There is a forty-five year old person that I would like to have a conversation with. I have further memories of living rough in Paris and trying to get enough food to live on. I can remember a French baguette and water being the only food I had for days. Such was the lack of proper nourishment that my gums bled with eating the crusty bread. My regret is that I have no idea how to get in touch with the fantastic people that I hung out with, especially Patrick from the Faroe  islands. On the rare occasion we managed to get some wine, we would toast the Queen. He always had me doubled up with laughter as he raised his glass and in his best English would say…“God shaves the Queen.” … I wonder where you are now, old friend? I regret I didn’t stay in touch…Memories & Regrets  Meantime, you all…Stay Cheeky.

All my blogs are free to read, enjoy and re-blog. The content remains the property of  http://www.staycheeky.com

P.S. To those of you who are technically minded, I am on Word Press.org and as such have no re-blog button??? Other stuff I try to sync with WordPress.com seems to cause me problems???

 

 

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        5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455It’s only meeeeeeee…

I know… I didn’t put my hand up and ask to leave the room, but I’ve been busy with end of year stuff… Let’s continue… I had a very scary moment this week and I’m still in recovery. Here’s what happened… I phoned one of the utility companies and the phone was answered immediately by a person…I believe at that moment I may have passed out and I expected the person on the other end of the phone to have hung up, but no, they were still there patiently waiting for me and asking if I was OK…NO!  I was not OK!!!  What on earth could this mean? Was this some new strategy? Where was the music interspersed with the voice telling me my call was important and someone would be with me as soon as possible? I could have had a heart attack. Well, maybe not me because I’m on the senior tour and I can remember when humans answered the phone, but, I could have been someone younger who had never heard of this customer service” as it used to be known. What if it had been a pregnant woman that had been subjected to this type of call? She could quite easily have gone into premature labour! Should I talk to my MP? Well, come to think of it, he’s quite young and would probably think I was mad! I decided the best course of action was to phone this company and complain or at least point out to them that they should be training their staff more efficiently.  I rang the number and was told all the lines were busy and then they put on some music for me to listen to. After 10 minutes of this I had calmed down and on reflection I realised I had been a little hasty. So, be aware, this could happen to you. A human voice could, on very rare occasions answer the phone. My advice to you is, stay calm, take a deep breath and with a bit of luck they might cut you off…

Can I wish all who read my nonsense, a very merry Jingle Bells… Meantime, you all, Stay Cheeky.

All my blogs are free to read, enjoy and re-blog. The content remains the property of http://www.staycheeky.com

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5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455       La Vila Joiosa…Costa Blanca…

On a recent visit to the west coast of Scotland, I found myself on the beautiful island of Mull making my first visit to Tobermory. The painted buildings of many different colours reminded me of the pretty village of   LA VILA JOIOSA  VILLAJOYOSA  on the Spanish Costa Blanca. This village in Spain is where part of my latest book “STILL CHEEKY” is set and has lots of similarly coloured houses.   I understand those coloured houses can also be found in many places. The story seems to be the same regardless of wherever they are on the planet. Fishermen painted their houses so they would recognise them from their boats as they came back from long fishing trips. Another story that goes hand in hand is they painted the houses in different bright colours so they could find them easily when they were a bit worse the wear from drink.  LA VILA JOIOSA  is famous for its chocolate factories. There were many at one time but sadly now only a few. The VALOR factory is open to tour around and learn the history of chocolate making and to sample their goodies. I can recommend a visit. A plate of chocolate with churros will put a big smile on your face and a big mess down the front of your clothing.

Thank you all who have visited my web-site http://www.staycheeky.com and to those who have purchased any of the books.  Please if you can, leave a review or a comment… Meantime, you all… Stay Cheeky.

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          5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455Just another day at the coal face..

Here’s what happened… My fairly new computer/tablet decides to break down so  I grab my old one (which I’m trying to retire because it is so slow, but what happens if….?)  Well, what happens if duly arrived to pay a visit so I fire up this old one (which is on death row) to report a fault with Microsoft technical (we are here to help because you are a valued customer and by the way “Have a nice day”) staff. I settle down with a flask of coffee, sandwiches and a blanket and proceed to have on-line chat with said technical genius. Now, I should mention that I have googled this fault and surmised that the best way  forward (with this fault) is for my tablet to be replaced. This is based on my visiting endless forums and picking the best 3 answers.  The technical genius goes through his list because that is what he has to do, no matter that it has nothing to do with the fault.  I try and point out to him he is not addressing my problem and he is going over what I have tried many times myself to start my PC and in any case I’m running low on coffee and sandwiches. After an hour he decides to close our chat without my problem being resolved.  ( I guess he has a similar dilemma with his coffee etc.) The next day I am ready to tackle the subject again with another Microsoft technical genius. Again I am equipped with supplies although this time, no blanket. ( It has gone to minus 5 degrees here in Scotland so we are in the middle of a heat-wave.) My new tech. genius wants to go over all this again but I insist…No…No…No… I throw every thing into the mix…My human rights…Discrimination against someone on the senior tour…E.U. regulations…The cost of sandwiches…One hour later I think I’ve got my point across and now I await a replacement PC… Here’s my question… “Why don’t Microsoft train their people to access Google forums?  That way we might get proper answers to our problems.” …This old relic is going for a lie down. Meantime, you all… Stay Cheeky. 

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5FDBDACB-79B5-40DE-994D-56FC53BCE455                   More holidays ‘n’ stuff…

Here’s what happened… My lovely partner who is sometimes referred to affectionately  as “My Burd,” decided she would borrow my kindle and load it with a couple of books from the store… Picture the scene… We are on foreign soil when I ask…” Can I have my kindle, please?”….  “No, I’m using it” …  “But I have nothing to read.”… “There’s a couple of National Geographics  there on the table” … Two days later she says… I’ve finished the books I downloaded.” … “Can I have my kindle please?”… I ask again… No, I’ve found one of your books you downloaded. I’m  going to read that.”   Another day goes past… “I’ve read that book… who’s Seumas Gallacher?” …”Oh, he’s just another writer who has got himself a publishing deal.”  I replied trying hard to hide my envy… Well, there’s this guy Jack Calder who…….” “Woah!” I cry. “I’ve read it and left a review.”  Oh, don’t you want to…?”  “No, would you like to hear about the habits of the African Dung Beetle?”… No.” …. ” How about the Peruvian Fruit Bat?” … “No.” …”Coffee then?” … Ok, let’s go.”  …                                                                        

Like many, I was saddened to hear of the death of Alvin Stardust. I cannot claim to have known him but we did once share a bar.  It was 1963 and I was visiting one of my haunts with a friend ( I was under age of course, but we were known to the bar staff.)  In those days he was known as Shane Fenton and there he was, sitting at the bar. I said hello and he gave me one of his moody guy looks and nodded. I was chuffed, to get a moody guy look and a nod from a pop star in those days, well, he was now my new best friend. ( Well, that’s what I told my mates.)  Like him or not you have to acknowledge that he has a place in the history of British music and will be missed… Thanks for the music, Alvin… Meantime, have a peaceful day and you all… Stay Cheeky.